Sorry for the lack of new posts recently, but I've been busy bailing water from the breakfast nook, wringing water from my sock collection, and using super absorbent Bounty paper towels to sop up water on many a flat surface since getting pounded by that wet and wild NOR'EASTER last week. You fellow New Yorkers know what I'm talkin' about, right? Oh, I pray we never have to live through something like that again... Anyway, I did manage to take a break from the devastation last Wednesday evening to view the latest episode of The Apprentice with Martha Stewart, and will once again put my thoughts into a numbered list because a) it gives the illusion of order and b) lists are super fun.

1. I don't know if any executives from NBC, Mark Burnett Productions, or Martha Stewart Omnimedia noticed the recent comment announcing that reader Steve L. and his wife have now been converted to loyal A:MS watchers, but if you didn't you ought to be made aware. This brings the total number of viewers I have helped bring to your program to 5 (including myself), which I believe accounts for at least 50% of your current ratings. Note the powerful word-of-mouth buzz that IAAFOTS can provide and please reach out via the tipline if you'd like to find out what sort of results can be generated with proper funding.
2. In contrast to last week's crazy snakin' dragon slayin' madness, this episode was fairly pedestrian. There were, however, numerous celebrities and their dogs, such as Fran Drescher, John Lithgow, Bruce Vilanch, and Merv Griffin, who provided the best line of the episode when he came into the meeting with the A:MS contestants and told his dog Charlie Chan to "smell for drugs". None were found, as Jim Bozzini was not in attendance (which was a shame, since his participation in this show is mostly a nationally televised cry for help with his substance abuse problems).
3. As mentioned, Jim didn't really do a whole lot this week as project manager, other than make sure that his entire team loathed him (this goal had already been achieved, of course, but better safe than sober). He did offer the baselessly confident assertion that "if we go full tilt and we win, I'll be invincible", which seemed a little crazy since what he meant by full-tilt wasn't working feverishly hard all night long, but rather getting stupid drunk at some Applebee's and making silly faces while mocking your teammates who wanted to talk about the task at hand. However, I don't think he meant invincible in the sense that he'd be a shoo-in to win the show, I got the feeling it was more like that old ABC Afterschool Special where some kids smoke angel dust and then drive straight off a cliff and as the car's flying through the air the girl smiles and yells "Wheeeeeee!!!" He's invincible like that now.
4. A runner-up for quote of the week came from Martha herself, when she stopped by for an unexpected visit to the contestant's loft and opined that "it's like being you-know-where... Alderson." Martha is not shy about bringing up embarrassing aspects of her past, which was already demonstrated a few weeks back when she gazed out the window of the hotel room the team had fixed up and said "I grew up right over there... in New Jersey." That previous visit also reminds me of another thing I noted during this latest broadcast - Martha's becoming a little more involved and in touch with the players. During that show Martha showing up in the hotel room for a few minutes was the team's entire reward for winning the task, whereas this week she just dropped in for no reason at all to hob-nob and chit-chat. Of course, I don't think the winning team this week got any reward at all, other than the joy of helping out a charity, which the losing team also got, so... really, they seem to be pretty chintzy with the rewards on this show. Also, it seems like Martha has decided to scrap the whole idea of the project manager picking two people to bring into the conference room with them after she didn't like David's choice a few weeks back; again this week she just told Marcella and David to come back in and the rest to go back to their rooms. OH, and as long as I'm on Martha-related notes from the show I'd like to applaud the decision to have Marc Marrone show up momentarily when Martha announced this week's task. Unfortunately it was only a shamelessly transparent plug for his Martha-sponsored Petkeeping with Marc Morrone and he didn't stick around to have anything to do with the task, but any excuse to see a little of the Marrone magic in action is cool with me. There was also a delightful shot of a hamsterpile during the visit to his studio.
5. Finally, let me wrap things up by shining the spotlight on David Karandish, whom God did not want participating in this television program. I know this because of a Karandish quote I have here, "I am a success whenever I am doing what God wants me to do", coupled with the fact that he got booted from the show this week (by which I mean last week). Before leaving the conference room he did get the chance to pitch his idea to take over Martha's internet strategy and make her website one of the premier destinations on the cookie-hatted bunny superhighway. Her dildo-sucking sidekick Charles Koppelman was quite intrigued by these plans of David's, perhaps seeing the same spark in this young lad that he once saw in one his previous discoveries, Robert VanWinkle. Luckily you don't have to wait around for the interminable redesign process to be completed to get an idea of what the new and improved Martha Stewart Living website is going to look like, since David's already got his own site which serves as a stunning showcase for his web-savvy skills. And even if God also doesn't want him to spiff up Martha's web presence, he's still got the rock criticism to fall back on, as shown by his timely review of the three year old compilation ELV1S: "No, the title of this post isn't some kind of hacker script - its the title of the Elvis #1 hits album. Now Elvis was way before my time, and he doesn't have quite the appeal to people my age that he once did (probably due to the ridiculous number of Elvis impersonators out there). However, this is one album not to be missed. From classics like "Love Me Tender" to favorites like "JailHouse" rock (which I've been known to do a mighty fine karaoke performance of) - this album is fantastic." Now granted, someone could just as easily mock some of the half-assed crap I infrequently post here, but I'm not telling Martha Stewart that what her website needs is more generic clipart and a sweet Deco font. It wasn't his cyberskills that I was referring to in a previous post when I said I had some information indicating that David's an idiot, though, it was the fact that he proudly proclaims his Mensa membership in his bio. The message conveyed by this admission: "I paid to take a test that allows me to fraternize with other people who have nothing in common with me other than the fact that they also scored well on the test and are willing to pay $50 annually to prove they are super geniuses." You'd think that just taking a bunch of notes on your laptop would clue people in to your uncommonly powerful brain, but sometimes they're just too dumb to figure it out and you need some real proof. Of course, you could just go to the Mensa boutique and order some of the smart looks pictured above, but then someone might spy your velour wizard's hat with shiny gold stars and bells hanging from the corners or the collection of adorable MensaBeanies filling your cubicle and ask to see your plaque, and you need a membership number to get one of those. If you'd like people to acknowledge your own overweening brilliance but either lack the spare cash to join Mensa or can't pass their test, I am starting up my own IAAFOTS Sharpest Tools In The Shed Club with free lifetime membership for anyone who can pass this simple one-question test: There is another Mensa member among the 16 A:MS contestants, who is it? Membership entitles you to receive instructions on how to make your own unisex tunic emblazoned with an eye-catching Sharp Tool logo and the slogan "I'm A Clever Cuss!", so send in your answers to the tipline forthwith.

Hey there! I've just gotten slightly chastised by another reader for the lack of new content this week, so I did want to at least mention that an A:MS post is close to completion and will show up sooner or later! Also, even though it's been covered on Wonkette for the past few months, many readers seem to be unaware of the adorable new baby panda at the National Zoo, Butterstick, so I encourage all those similarly out of tha know on that to peruse all 'Stick-related posts over there (maybe even buy yourself a Butterstick t-shirt like I've done!) while I try to get my act back in gear here... [UPDATE: In case you didn't end up there already through a link on Wonkette, I feel I should make special note of the PANDA CAM!]

Batten down your kittens, we got us a NOR'EASTER!!!  

I've sorta made a consciously lazy decision not to even try writing a big weekly Apprentice with Martha Stewart wrap-up, since I'm now fairly positive no other readers are watching it (excepting Our Lady of the Squirrels, who I seem to have seduced into regular viewing now, but I can just discuss any pertinent insights with her one-on-one, non-blog-style). HOWever, now that I've read the Donald semi-dissing Ms. Stewart's performance, I'm going to throwi some random quotes and commentary up here anyway in an effort to sway another viewer or two away from the old, boring Apprentice to the new, marginally different one. First, here's some of what Trump said: "Mine continues to do well, and as you know, the other one has struggled severely," Trump said. Martha Stewart's Apprentice premiered a month ago to lower-than-expected ratings, and has continued to struggle. NBC recently moved the show from its original 8 p.m. timeslot to 9 p.m., where viewership improved slightly but not enough. Trump's Apprentice, now in its fourth season, continues to be successful, but has posted its smallest audience to date. "I think (Stewart's show) probably hurt mine and I sort of predicted that it would, because there was a lot of confusion in the world," Trump told ABC. As to whether Stewart's Apprentice would continue, Trump said that decision belonged to producer Mark Burnett and NBC, as well as himself. But, he added, "It certainly has struggled mightily." Which is it, man, severely or mightily? Now my anti-Trump/pro-Martha viewing swaying campaign, which will consist of some things randomly pulled from my notes that probably won't make much sense if you haven't been watching the show already. And thus, you will feel compelled to view the show in the future in order to be "in the know". That's my cockeyed scheme anyhow.

1. Well, first off, I'll mention one of those little things that I enjoy about the show that will be understandable to the lay reader... Martha doesn't have a catchphrase! All the reviews of the show after the first week assumed that what she said when kicking a contestant off at the end was a catchphrase and reported that it wasn't so catchy, but I myself suspected that maybe her hook was actually that she writes a short letter to the loser of the week right after they leave the conference room for the last time, and that what she said might change every week. I didn't write that prescient thought of mine here, I don't think, because I've hardly been writing anything about the show at all, but trust me, I sure thought it. Last night she came out with her most harshly delivered putdown yet (and the one that sounds most like it was written for her as a possible clever catchphrase), "You're just not working for me".
2. And the letter writing, in my opinion, is a very nice touch, which I look forward to each week. Last night's began, "I hope this was an interesting diversion from your everyday life..." and was perhaps the least encouraging note to date, although she really did dislike that newsanchor who was fakin' it til makin' it. Martha does not like annoying jerks, but does not have time for the boring and bland at all, it seems. "This company's not built on Jennifers", as the George character on this Apprentice (who oddly holds an unlit cigar at all times) said last night, summing up his bosses feelings for her.
3. Of course, they also kept the other possible firee around for awhile longer because he's the loud-mouthed breakout asshole of the show, Jim Bozzini. Martha on Jim: "You're... experimental." Fellow contestant on Jim: "He's a crazy snake." Jim on Jim: “You don’t control my actions. I control YOUR actions.” And some other Jim quotes I've taken the time to write down: "No couchy, no winny", "I'm a desperado", and "Way to pick me last". Last night he was guzzling Red Bull, telling customers they could massage their wive's feet with the salad dressing they were trying to sell (at Stu Leonard's in Yonkers - actually, let me go on one of my patented rambling tangents for a moment here, because I took a real shine to that phrase for some reason when Martha said it last night and plan to use it frequently in the future... like maybe if you need to use the restroom, "I gotta go to Stu Leonard's in Yonkers", or "Whatever happened to Tom Hulce?" "I think he's at Stu Leonard's in Yonkers"... as you can see, the possibilities are endless. OK, now where was I... oh yes, in the middle of a sentence), got the team reprimanded by the manager of Stu Leonard's, telling them he would kick them out of the store if he got one more complaint, and subtly flipped off Martha right in the boardroom last night. Plus his wife gave birth during a previous show and he talked to her on the phone about it for a good 30 seconds before hanging up. Dessssssperadoooooooo......
4. Best quote from last night, though was when he got Howie Greenspan, who has previously exhibited a tendency to brood darkly for awhile and then violently explode, to get all psycho-agitated and yell, "Don't even try to slay this dragon!!!" Howie, by the way, should not be confused with THE Howie Greenspan, this Howie "decided three years ago to leave behind a successful career on Wall Street and enter the fashion industry. The gamble paid off. The Brooklyn native now runs Priorities, a highly lucrative contemporary woman's clothing company."
5. Runner-up quote of the episode: "Rosemary is such a popular herb."
6. Fashion highlight of the episode: One of the indistinguishable blonde women (I'm fairly certain it was Carrie Gugger) was dressed up exactly like Ginger Spice at the beginning of the show. A few more fun facts about Carrie: "The former beauty pageant contestant - and first runner-up for the Miss California USA title in 2000 - worked for over six years as a stockbroker and provided financial commentary on talk radio. She has also pursued her talent for glass blowing."

Okay, and now it's time for me to run. Watch it!!!

So far there is no direct or indirect evidence linking Judith Miller to the suspicious death of Charles Rocket, but before you dismiss the theory as just another stupid notion I've come up with to amuse myself (and no one else), consider these facts:

1) She's just gotten sprung from the big house, and prison can harden a person, turning someone who formerly would not have done anything worse than run a red light or publish bogus information that helps strengthen the case to lead the nation into an ill-planned quagmire of a war into a remorseless homicidal maniac.
2) Both she and her supporters concede that Ms. Miller possesses "sharp elbows". Sharp enough to, I don't know, slash someone's throat perhaps?
3) Gotta do something to spice up that book she's writing, because honestly, "How I Spent 85 Days In Jail In Order To Get This Book Deal: A Martyr's Story" does not seem very likely to be rocketing to the top of the bestseller charts. Oh wait, the Times publishes the bestseller charts...

Anyway, that's what I've got to go on so far, but I'll continue to ferret out the real story behind this tragedy at least 20 minutes of every day until the truth is dragged out into the light or I lose interest. And if anyone can come up with the slightest shred of evidence or wild unsubstantiated speculation connecting Joe Piscopo with these events, do let me know.

Work and internet futziness have kept me down today, but I can't leave before mentioning this shocking news that reader Mike A. has tipped me to: Charles Rocket is dead! For those either not alive or aware in the early eighties, Charles Rocket was on Saturday Night Live during their really crappy year, hosting Weekend Update and famously saying "fuck" on the air in 1981 (though he wasn't the first person to do so, Paul Shaffer had already said it during a sketch in 1980). Supposedly his death - brought about by his throat being slashed - has been ruled a suicide. Who killed C.R.? Who the fuck did it??? The cops are obviously too scared to solve this mystery themselves, but IAAFOTS is on the case... my first suspect is going to be Judy Miller -just because I don't like her one little bit - but no lead will be left unfollowed, so if you see something, say something.

I've got an update to my last post which has led me to some crazy news! The translator looking for IAAFOTS assistance wrote back to thank me for the help and said that at first he was thinking it might be a reference to Caesar's campaign in Gallia, but didn't think that Brian, with his face, would know such historical facts (true that). So it wasn't John with the wallet-chain and misogyny and all who said the stupid made-up word that particular time, it was Brian O'Goomba! Which led me to his website to check in on what he might be up to, and... Brian O'Goomba For North Wildwood City Council: A Galliant Campaign!!! A toilet in every home and a GlowLite in every pot. Vote early and vote often, Wildwoodians, in the past I have had Jesse "The Body" Ventura as my mayor and Fred "Gopher" Grandy as my congressman, and in my experience half-assed celebrities are no less intelligent or capable than real politicians but it's much more fun to tell people they're your elected representative (or that they were - note the fun I am having mentioning it right now, Jerseyfolk!)

I'm holding off on sharing a thought or two about this week's episode of The Apprentice with Martha Stewart to give all readers who may have taped it or something a chance to see the show unspoiled - see, I'm all thoughtful like that when it comes to you, the readers - but I have received an interesting message today concerning last season's Apprentice 3 coverage. Apparently some guy in Israel is in the midst of translating Apprentice 3 into Russian (for broadcast? for kicks? I do not know) and couldn't figure out how to translate when one of those simpletons (if I remember correctly, it was the guy who looked a little like Vince Vaughn, whose head I once described as "like an industrial-sized jar of Hellman's flesh-onnaise") said "it's been a galliant trip". I explained that he probably meant to say "valiant", but either confused this big word with "gallant" or had just heard some smartypants egghead use it one time but misheard and thought it started with a G, kinda like how people think "Blinded By The Light" contains the line "wrapped up like a douche". In any case, it's not going to be easy to translate, but hopefully he can manage it somehow, because the incident is an excellent illustration of the jarhead's douchiness.

So, having helped a reader, I now turn to a reader to help me... specifically, reader Steve L., who is mad prolific with tha tips these days. Today he's sent in a very nice and squirrelly one: pregnant dog adopts injured squirrel - with video! Prepare to have your chilly little heart warmed the hell up. [UPDATE: Cityrag has also posted about this story, but with a different link - with slideshow!]

TGIF !!!

The Fancicat Dancers at the CFA/IAMS 2005 Cat Championships at Madison Square Garden last Saturday.

I'm sayin, whoa crack squirrel, whatcha tryin to do
(won't you tell me) what is the matter with you?
crack squirrel... whatcha tryin to do...
i'll give your twenty little acorns, you can keep the change
just move your freakin tweakin somewhere outta my range
please lay off the crackrock and just try to take it slow
chill your twitchy scurry, there's no place you gotta go
craaaack squirrel

Just wanted to get this little crack squirrel song i've 'written' out there while the story is still fresh, even though it now appears that the whole thing was just an honest mistake... turns out South London homeowners have been seeing Kate Moss digging up their gardens desperately looking for crack, not squirrels as first reported. Ha! badumpbump, etc.

As long as I've touched on the small mammal scene already, we should take a moment to once again ask the perennial question: what mischief have the rascally raccoons gotten themselves into now? Same old, same old... diggin' through garbage, gettin' all rabid, and once again one has found himself stuck atop a pole. This ho-hum behavior on the part of our native coons stands in stark contrast to the situation in Great Britain, where paraffin-huffing racoons are a recognized problem, commonly found knackered and taking a kip under your bonnet in carparks frequented by gits in Bromley and Newcastle-upon-Tyne.

I'm a little too busy to really give this story the attention it deserves today, but I obviously can't ignore it completely. The headlines: Crack-crazed Squirrels Terrorise South London, Squirrels Go Nuts on Crack, Be Fluffy and Just Say Yes - But Only to Nuts, Squirrels May Get Hooked On Crack (most complete story, I think, probably the original source) and our winner: SQUIRREL CRACK-KIN: CREATURES DIG UP SECRET STASH OF DRUGS IN GARDEN. One comment I do have to make about this menace, just to set the record straight. All of these stories contain this information: "Crack squirrels are a recognised problem in America. They are common in parks used by addicts in New York and Washington DC." Um, no they aren't and no they're not. While I'm not really a crazy squirrel lover with a house full of nutty knick-knacks and a library of sciurid reference tomes (I can see where you might get that impression, but really the IAAFOTS name just started out as a ridiculous-sounding phrase to call something, like a blog for instance) I have ended up doing many a search for squirrel news and information over the past year and a half and I have NEVER come across any mention of crack squirrels until this story broke. Even now the only mention I found on the first six Google search pages before I gave up were related to this story. In my considered opinion, there are no crack-addicted squirrels anywhere, and if they did eat crackrock they would die. Brits, I know it's tough to get your facts straight when you're falling down drunk 24 hours a day, but if you could just try a bit harder when covering the small mammal beat in the future, that would be brilliant. Cheers.

Reader Steve L. has just commented with his opinion on the "links opening in new windows: pro or con?" debate, which brings the total number of opinions I have gathered to 10 (including myself), and that seems like enough to tally the vote and go with the majority. Those thinking that links should open in new windows: 2; those who think things should remain as they are and if you want to open a link in a new window just do so yourself: 8. Democracy in action! Power to the people! Underwear is important!

Okay...I really do have a bunch of possibly funny quips to make about A:MS, and like I've said, I'm actually enjoying watching the show, but it just keeps on being either I'm in the proper mood where I can write something like that but I'm in the midst of something else and don't have time to do it then OR I have time to do it and that's just not where my head's at then, you know? Not to apologize, because I'm pretty sure I'm the only person watching this show anyway so what do you care, just explaining. But let me tell you one little thing that happened last week that really made me think this might be more interesting than it looked like it might be at the beginning, in hopes of getting someone else to start watching the Martha with me. The immensely, almost unbelievably, hateable asshole of the proceedings, Jim, has from the beginning been pushing this strategic vision of the game, undermining and eliminating people he felt were a danger to him etc., and it kinda seemed like maybe the young idiot of the show (by the way, most of my opinion that he's an idiot stems from things I've found out about him that haven't been on the air, I'll try to share those soon) who was team leader this week was following that lead a bit in his picks to bring into the boardroom. Really, his picks didn't make sense in any context, but he definitely wasn't picking the people who had much to do with the team failing. Instead he chose the woman who everyone's hated from the first week for some reason I haven't quite been able to figure out... she (Dawn) just got labeled as a bummer who's dragging the team down right out of the box and everyone's sticking with that even though to me she seems like maybe the only normal and rational human being in the bunch. Which is probably it right there, the high-powered type-A freakshows that usually populate these shows (as well as our real-life boardrooms) fear and despise what I think of as normal people when they notice them at all. You have questions and concerns about this half-baked notion we just pulled out of our over-caffeinated sleep-deprived asses during our five minute "brainstorming" session? Why are you being so negative? You are a cancer on The Team! So he picked her and some other woman who has so far made no impression on me at all and the rest of the team, including the hyperplastic Florida t.v. news personality who had repeatedly said all episode that she guaranteed their team was going to win and if they didn't she should be fired, were off the hook. So they got sent back out of the conference room (not the board room, oh no, on The Apprentice, Martha-style it's the conference room), but Martha did not feel right. So she had her receptionist call the folks who thought they'd escaped back from the suite and had everyone come back in together. Dismissing the leader's picks by saying that he was very young and had no idea what the hell he was doing, she turned on Sean, the newsposeur, with a friendly vengeance. Her main gripe (other than the fact that Sean was in charge of sales and didn't like the wedding cake they were trying to sell and didn't really hide that opinion very well from the prospective customers and so they didn't sell a single cake) was that Sean had said that in her business there was this phrase, "fake it til you make it". And we do not fake things at MSL, thank you very much. And then Sean really fucked up. Instead of just admitting that the place she learned that phrase was in A.A. (obviously, right?) she said "Oh, well that's just something we say in television." The fact that she was addressing the star of a network television program who has been a popular television personality for 12 years should have already been apparent, I'd think, but since it was not Martha helpfully clued her in. And then sent her packing. And right there's the twist that I think may make this show interesting - unlike Trump, who really doesn't a shit or get personally invested in this sideshow, knowing he's not really hiring anybody and that this is just a way to keep his name in the public eye, Martha doesn't just walk through ANYthing she puts her name on. She is really going to try to pick someone who she would hire to work for her company, even though it's all for show. And that pushes this crap ever so slightly toward actual reality, and therefore potentially more interesting and not just some game with preening jerkwads trying to become a breakout personality. Best of all, after they left she even said that she thought Sean was just here to try to further her television career, and then cut her down even further by offering the opinion that she doesn't even think she knows much about television news. God help me, I do love Martha Stewart, at least at a distance (she would of course be a nightmare pain in the ass if you really had to deal with her, I'm sure). So come on, watch the show this Wednesday. Also, time permitting tomorrow I'll try to throw a few links to some other contestant info I've come across, it turns out I've left that research on my computer at work.

OH, and I also have a bonus opinion of mine, unrelated to A:MS, that I've been thinking about today. I've long agreed with the widespread opinion that the New York Times is the best paper in the country, even though I've always had some problems with it, but recently I've felt that it's been slipping and this functionally retarded t.v. critic they've got, and the Geraldo mess she got them into (and more importantly their steadfast refusal to apologize for or retract the obvious lie she wrote about his actions, though now they finally have) is the last straw for me. Or maybe all this Judy Miller crap was the last straw... in any case: The Washington Post is the best newspaper in the country, and the NYT is maybe third or fourth (as I'm pretty sure the L.A. Times is probably better than them now too, or at least they're tied... the Chicago Tribune I only read on occasion, so I can't make an informed opinion on their ranking). And if New York readers would also like coverage of local news, read the Daily News, too (really, if you make under $150,000 and/or care about anything outside Manhattan that's always been the case). Screw the Times. I have spoken. Now to sleep.

So what's my temperature today, you may be asking? You're not, of course, but theoretically you could be, so I'll go ahead and answer. 99.4 degrees Farenheit. The fever has broken and I'm on the road to recovery! Yay. I am working from home, though, because the last thing I would want to do is infect a bunch of jerky 20 year olds making twice as much as I do. Or, you know, blow the fuck up. Though, honestly, that's not really much more of a concern than it ever is, I don't think... I would like to share my favorite quote concerning this latest threat, though: "Sometimes it looks incredibly detailed, and then it washes out into nothing, and sometimes pretty vague in nature and it turns into something real. You can't know until you go through the process, and we're going through the process."

The really shocking news I've learned today is this: Barry Cowsill is missing!!! You know, from the Cowsills? Evidentally he moved to New Orleans a few weeks before the hurricane and now he hasn't been heard from since September 1st. Even more perplexing is how the Boston Herald somehow manages to give a Red Sox angle to this news. Please put your copies of "The Rain, The Park, and Other Things" on constant rotation and hope for the best.

Oh, and even though I'm "working from home" I really am working right now, improbably enough, but either this afternoon or Sunday I am going to write a least a little something about A:MS, because I found it surprisingly watchable this week! I'm not gonna rush it, though, since I really have had no indication that anyone else in the readership has been viewing it anyway. But you should, I'm honestly enjoying it. Why won't I write about it tomorrow, you may wonder? Here's why.

AND, lastly, if you haven't peeked at the commentary, reader Mike A. wants all links to open in their own windows here. I myself don't generally like it when links open in their own windows and suggest that anyone who wants them to do so just right clicks and 'open[s] link in new window'. But if anyone else has an opinion one way or another, let me know and I'll revisit the issue if there turns out to be strong new window sentiment lurking out there.

When you first log onto Flickr you see thumbnails of four of your most recent photos, the four most recent photos from your contacts, and four random photos from everyone on Flickr. I've started saving the URLs of some of the latter, and now I have ten.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

So, I watched the Martha Apprentice last night! And I took many notes and have some things to say! And I have a temperature nearing 101 degrees and still had to come into the office to resize a whole bunch of stupid graphs! And as soon as I manage to get them done I'm going to the doctor! So those notes might not get typed up today. But they do exist. FYI. Stay tuned.

Ah, but the best tip of all has been submitted by Our Lady Of The Squirrels, and I'm really not just sayin' that because of the love and such, as I think you will see. I also have a short story which relates to the link(s). When I was around seven or so, I went to the Henry Dooley Zoo in Omaha, Nebraska. I especially liked the prairie dog village and the otters, and wasn't all that interested in the petting zoo since I was from a farming community in Iowa and had seen plenty of the sort of animals to be found there. But I do like to be thorough, so I went in to briefly check out the scene. I think I was looking at and perhaps petting a pony or maybe a sheep when I felt a little tugging at my jacket, but there were a lot of little kids crowded in there so I paid it no heed at first. Soon, though, the tugging became harder to the point that my jacket began to get pulled off and I turned around to find that a goat was eating it! The entire right pocket and up to about the second or third button from the bottom had already disappeared into the goat and he clearly had no plans of stopping until the entire garment had been ingested, at which point he would move on to my Garanimals slacks. Upon hearing my shocked cries of indignation my mom and a nearby attendant came over and laughingly extricated my jacket from the goat, but the entire rest of the day it was all damp and nasty and I was not at all pleased. The end.

In case you’ve not heard yet, Mike’s sent in a tip
Concerning the death of a great man named Nip
-sey Russell, a poet and comic we loved
Who now will be rhyming in heaven above
We watched him on Match Game and Hollywood Squares
On many a game show he’d often be there
He did not do much film work, excepting The Wiz
But at versification, he was the best in the biz

R.I.P., Nipsey.

Yeah, I've been busy, I've been distracted, and the blogging has paid the price. But the brief drought is ending, for there are tips in the tipline inbox! Including two from reader Steve L., who I don't believe has ever tipped before, so both will be shared even though I don't 100% approve of one. But that's just my hang up, man, any sort of plastic surgery or body manipulation or even just regular old piercing tends to rub me the wrong way, so news of the first MTF/FTM trantastic porn shoot ain't something I'd go out of my way to check out on my own. But Steve digs it, so maybe you will too. Meanwhile, his other tip (Steve's I mean) seems rather pedestrian in contrast but the photo may still make you whisper softly to yourself, "ew". But with the hint of a smile on your face (kind of like Victor, I guess, except I'm not entirely sure whether that's a smile or some other expression that only the Dutch have a specific word for).