I've sorta made a consciously lazy decision not to even try writing a big weekly Apprentice with Martha Stewart wrap-up, since I'm now fairly positive no other readers are watching it (excepting Our Lady of the Squirrels, who I seem to have seduced into regular viewing now, but I can just discuss any pertinent insights with her one-on-one, non-blog-style). HOWever, now that I've read the Donald semi-dissing Ms. Stewart's performance, I'm going to throwi some random quotes and commentary up here anyway in an effort to sway another viewer or two away from the old, boring Apprentice to the new, marginally different one. First, here's some of what Trump said: "Mine continues to do well, and as you know, the other one has struggled severely," Trump said. Martha Stewart's Apprentice premiered a month ago to lower-than-expected ratings, and has continued to struggle. NBC recently moved the show from its original 8 p.m. timeslot to 9 p.m., where viewership improved slightly but not enough. Trump's Apprentice, now in its fourth season, continues to be successful, but has posted its smallest audience to date. "I think (Stewart's show) probably hurt mine and I sort of predicted that it would, because there was a lot of confusion in the world," Trump told ABC. As to whether Stewart's Apprentice would continue, Trump said that decision belonged to producer Mark Burnett and NBC, as well as himself. But, he added, "It certainly has struggled mightily." Which is it, man, severely or mightily? Now my anti-Trump/pro-Martha viewing swaying campaign, which will consist of some things randomly pulled from my notes that probably won't make much sense if you haven't been watching the show already. And thus, you will feel compelled to view the show in the future in order to be "in the know". That's my cockeyed scheme anyhow.

1. Well, first off, I'll mention one of those little things that I enjoy about the show that will be understandable to the lay reader... Martha doesn't have a catchphrase! All the reviews of the show after the first week assumed that what she said when kicking a contestant off at the end was a catchphrase and reported that it wasn't so catchy, but I myself suspected that maybe her hook was actually that she writes a short letter to the loser of the week right after they leave the conference room for the last time, and that what she said might change every week. I didn't write that prescient thought of mine here, I don't think, because I've hardly been writing anything about the show at all, but trust me, I sure thought it. Last night she came out with her most harshly delivered putdown yet (and the one that sounds most like it was written for her as a possible clever catchphrase), "You're just not working for me".
2. And the letter writing, in my opinion, is a very nice touch, which I look forward to each week. Last night's began, "I hope this was an interesting diversion from your everyday life..." and was perhaps the least encouraging note to date, although she really did dislike that newsanchor who was fakin' it til makin' it. Martha does not like annoying jerks, but does not have time for the boring and bland at all, it seems. "This company's not built on Jennifers", as the George character on this Apprentice (who oddly holds an unlit cigar at all times) said last night, summing up his bosses feelings for her.
3. Of course, they also kept the other possible firee around for awhile longer because he's the loud-mouthed breakout asshole of the show, Jim Bozzini. Martha on Jim: "You're... experimental." Fellow contestant on Jim: "He's a crazy snake." Jim on Jim: “You don’t control my actions. I control YOUR actions.” And some other Jim quotes I've taken the time to write down: "No couchy, no winny", "I'm a desperado", and "Way to pick me last". Last night he was guzzling Red Bull, telling customers they could massage their wive's feet with the salad dressing they were trying to sell (at Stu Leonard's in Yonkers - actually, let me go on one of my patented rambling tangents for a moment here, because I took a real shine to that phrase for some reason when Martha said it last night and plan to use it frequently in the future... like maybe if you need to use the restroom, "I gotta go to Stu Leonard's in Yonkers", or "Whatever happened to Tom Hulce?" "I think he's at Stu Leonard's in Yonkers"... as you can see, the possibilities are endless. OK, now where was I... oh yes, in the middle of a sentence), got the team reprimanded by the manager of Stu Leonard's, telling them he would kick them out of the store if he got one more complaint, and subtly flipped off Martha right in the boardroom last night. Plus his wife gave birth during a previous show and he talked to her on the phone about it for a good 30 seconds before hanging up. Dessssssperadoooooooo......
4. Best quote from last night, though was when he got Howie Greenspan, who has previously exhibited a tendency to brood darkly for awhile and then violently explode, to get all psycho-agitated and yell, "Don't even try to slay this dragon!!!" Howie, by the way, should not be confused with THE Howie Greenspan, this Howie "decided three years ago to leave behind a successful career on Wall Street and enter the fashion industry. The gamble paid off. The Brooklyn native now runs Priorities, a highly lucrative contemporary woman's clothing company."
5. Runner-up quote of the episode: "Rosemary is such a popular herb."
6. Fashion highlight of the episode: One of the indistinguishable blonde women (I'm fairly certain it was Carrie Gugger) was dressed up exactly like Ginger Spice at the beginning of the show. A few more fun facts about Carrie: "The former beauty pageant contestant - and first runner-up for the Miss California USA title in 2000 - worked for over six years as a stockbroker and provided financial commentary on talk radio. She has also pursued her talent for glass blowing."

Okay, and now it's time for me to run. Watch it!!!