As a follow-up to my last post, I've done a Google Video Search for "who's on first", and the results are indicative of the shocking cultural illiteracy gripping our nation today. There are plenty of circumstances in which you could appropriately allude to the classic Abbott and Costello routine, but in every one of the examples I found the speakers just seem to think it's something people say that has no real meaning. In the following exercise I will list a quote containing a "who's on first" reference followed by a reworded version that makes just as much sense.

#1: Just like Abbott and Costello said, "Who's on first?" When you're watching these cells develop, one of them is going to make a mistake first-- one of the genes in the disease cell line is going to screw up - and we want to be watching it every minute to say, "Who's on first? Who screwed up first?"

Just like Clara Peller said, "Where's the beef?" When you're watching these cells develop, one of them is going to make a mistake first-- one of the genes in the disease cell line is going to screw up - and we want to be watching it every minute to say, "Where's the beef? Where's the first screw-up?"

#2: I'm glad you sort of gave the backstory because there's more to it than just the question about gays and what happens to the kids, because in this case, I mean, it's almost a who's on first situation. Jill, get us up to speed on this. We had two women here, right? >> That's right. >> Reporter: one woman -- both were incapable of having children -- >> on their own. >> Reporter: one because? >> One because her uterus was incompetent and the other because her ovaries were incompetent. >> Reporter: so basically took the eggs from one, inseminated and put them in the other and they had children.

I'm glad you sort of gave the backstory because there's more to it than just the question about gays and what happens to the kids, because in this case, I mean, it's almost an atsa spicy meat-a-ball situation. Jill, get us up to speed on this. We had two women here, right? >> That's right...

#3: Caller: don't change your format of covering event. Don't ever do what Fox does. >> Host: don't worry, we won't. >> Caller: their coverage is like an Abbott and Costello routine, who's on first. >> Host: but it worked. It worked financially, it worked from an audience standpoint. There's something there that got people's attention. >> Caller: I watch you for the facts.

Caller: don't change your format of covering event. Don't ever do what Fox does. >> Host: don't worry, we won't. >> Caller: their coverage is like a Jeff Foxworthy routine routine, you might be a redneck if...

#4: Chris, who's on first? >> What's on second. >> We'll have an update on Barry Bonds' condition after the break.

Yes, we have no bananas? >> We have no bananas today. >> We'll have an update on outfielder Barry Bonds' condition after the break.