This new scanner of mine came bundled with OCR software, which allows me to launch a new feature of dubious legality that I am going to give the lengthy title of Size For Size, Two For Two, Staple/Staple, Clip/Clip: Documents From The World Of Litigation Photocopying. Episode #1 follows:

Q. Did you ever hear any employees in the Redwood City store make any remarks that you consider to be sexually harassing to Rose XXXX?
A. Not that I recall.
Q. Did you ever hear any employees make any remarks that you believe to be sexually harassing of anyone in the store?
MS. SMITH: The Redwood City store?
MS. FELCH: Yes.
A. I don't recall any that I can think of.
Q. BY MS. FELCH: Do you recall an employee named XXXX XXXX?
A. Vaguely.
Q. Did you ever hear him make any inappropriate remarks?
A. No, ma'am, I didn't.
Q. Did you ever hear him make any remarks that you would consider to be sexually harassing?
A. No, ma'am.
Q. Did you ever hear any supervisors at the Redwood City store make any inappropriate remarks to Rose XXXX?
A. No, ma'am.
Q. Or any remarks that you would consider to be sexually harassing?
A. No, ma'am.
Q. Did you ever tell Rose XXXX that she had a big butt?
A. There was a song on the radio at that time that somewhere in the song I believe it said -
Q. Let me stop you. The question is, Did you ever tell Rose XXXX she had a big butt?
A. Yes, I believe so.
Q. Okay. Did you tell her that she had a big old butt?
A. Yes, I believe so.
Q. Did you tell her you wanted to fuck her in the butt?
A. No way. No, ma'am.
Q. Did you tell her you wanted to take her in the back of the store and do that?
A. No, ma'am.
Q. Do you recall anyone in the store telling her that?
A. No, ma'am, I don't.
Q. You never heard anyone say that?
A. Not in my recollection I don't remember anybody saying that.
Q. What was Rose's response when you told her she had a big butt?
A. In my best recollection, she would repeat that about other employees.
Q. That's what she would say back to you when you told her she had a big butt?
A. It was part of a song, and I believe that -- that she -- we would say that in the store and we would say it amongst one another. We would say, Rose got a big old butt and Roger got a big old butt. We said it back and forth to each other.
Q. What song was this on the radio?
A. I don't know the name of the song.
Q. Was there a particular station that you listened to when you were working there?
A. Not that I recall.
Q. And what did the song say, if you can recall the words to it?
A. The only words I recall in the song was they said - they said a particular name in the song and they said "got a big old butt."
Q. Do you recall the name?
A. NO, ma'am, I don't.
Q. Did Rose ever tell you she didn't want you to say that, she didn't want you to say that to her?
A. No, ma'am.
Q. Do you recall Rose XXXX asking you why she didn't get a pay raise that she was promised?
A. No, ma'am, I don't.
Q. Did you ever tell her that she didn't get a pay raise because she didn't fuck the district manager?
A. Not in my recollection.