I'd already managed to be able to differentiate between Kelly and Wes, but something at the beginning of this week's episode of The Apprentice gave me a very concise method of identification, and it's a shame that there will be no further need to use it going forward: Wes says thank you before ending a telephone conversation in which someone has relayed information to him. After that we encountered the first of the many amusing moments this show had to offer when Chris's plea for a team shake-up was ironically granted the week after he was fuckin' pruned from the bush of aspirants. It was entirely obvious that Wes should ask Maria to fly her broomstick over to Team Apex, but as I've observed repeatedly over the course of this season, similar looking people despise their doppelgangers, making his choice of Kelly most unsuprising. Next we went into the Apex brainstorming session, where Ivana immediately had a flash of brilliance with her wheel of dungarees which left Jennifer Massey utterly baffled. Although she didn't get it, I finally did; for weeks I've been proclaiming this classy vixen the most competent of all, but I have seen the light and humbly admit that I was as bamboozled as the Levi's guy was at the end of their presentation later. In the feud between Ivana and Jenn, Ivana is right and Massey should really be on a different reality show, one featuring a dangerous forehead atop its host rather than the nest of a squirrel. Style is all well and good, but if a choice has to be made between it and substance "it's a no-brainer" as Caroline and Donald in the boardroom seem to love saying as frequently as possible. Speaking of a no-brainer, I'd like to skip ahead for a second and remark upon the dumbfounded silence displayed by Bill Rancic in every shot of him before the final boardroom - even when Trump asked Ivana if she should have said Mr. Rancic instead of Bill he just sat there giving every indication that the nerves that run from his frontal cortex to his thalamus had recently been severed, perhaps in some freak accident during the construction of that building in Chicago that he is "supervising". Also nice for them to throw in that dialogue about him being underutilized this week, though not as nice as the fact that neither of them could keep a straight face while delivering it. And speaking of faces (I'm returning to the actual review in a moment, don't worry) the cover of his book suggests that Bill may be so plastic that his facial expressions require manual assistance. Okay, so now we return to a pernicious myth which should have been debunked to every player's satisfaction ages ago, a chimera they call "Maria's expertise". Wesley Moss is nice and considerate, but he's also nice and dumb to have still believed the delusory claims of that blinking battleaxe that she knows anything about anything other being a loud-mouthed, domineering bitch. It was so nice to see Mr. Trump "think outside the box" and deny her the chance of a solitary cab ride to propagate any more disinformation about her lack of control freakiness, it was like something out of The Inferno where everyone gets their own personal hell. Choicest quote from Ms. Boren after taking over what had been a surprisingly decent job of model direction by Wes: "Give us as much butt attitude as you can." On the other team's shoot the humor came from the notion that a group of people specifically chosen for the cast of a television show based largely on the fact that they are photogenic (Trump was even quoted in The Indianapolis Star before this second season began that it was "in many ways more beautiful") were just everyday, average lookin' folks and not some bunch of pretty faces the customers buying the jeans couldn't identify with. Kevin says that, then takes off his shirt to reveal his cut torso, and then cue Jenn spreading her legs and rolling around under that lens like a pro. "That's the shot." And how odd then that someone so adept at playing the role of a prostitute (oops, I meant 'fashion model' of course, but honestly and objectively compare the two for a second and see if the differences outweigh the similarities) was so disgusted by Kevin's sweat in the following scene. She even seemed to think that it was some sort of poorly thought out choice on Kevin's part (made back before conception when he chose to be a human being rather than a mannequin, I guess, or some furred mammal that pants, but then you've still got that nasty saliva, not to mention blood, mucus, urine, etc... life is gross, Massey, come to terms already). Swiping credit from Ivana and getting named the star of the team in front of Donald not only showed her to be the best player of the game but also took away the last bit of respect or admiration I had for her. Luckily I still don't think Trump really buys it. In any case, no matter who grabbed the glory all four Apexers got to enjoy the most rewarding reward to date, which I know must have had one of our readers as green with envy as the Donald continues to be orange from carotonemia or hemochromatosis. And I'll end this the same way the show ended, with Wes saying, "I would have at least liked my own cab." What I would have liked was some sort of Taxicab Confessions-style hidden camera to keep filming those two for the rest of the trip to wherever they take them (I'd always enjoyed assuming that it was over the bridge to get dumped in the Gowanus Canal, but then those four showed up again a few weeks back and destroyed that fantasy). See you next week for a rehash of the Pepsi bottle challenge when I hope to see Jennifer finally enter that boardroom just in time to see the cobra finally rear its head and strike.