Even though this exercise is probably as redundant and unnecessary as telling you the plot of Hamlet or The Outsiders, there may be a reader or two out there who dwell beneath rocks and did not see last night's ATJ premiere, so here is a brief summary of what went down. Even though they already have three children, Cheryl (Courtney Thorne-Smith) wants Jim (Belushi) to plant yet another seed in her, so they are seeing a fertility doctor. Now apparantly drinking and smoking cigars lowers your sperm count, and Jim's is already dangerously low, so he agrees to cut these things out before he goes back to drop off another sample for testing. Predictably, he makes no attempt to honor this promise to his wife, and so he talks his even fatter friend Andy into masturbating for him. But Andy's sperm count is so high that the doctor gets concerned and oddly but conveniently does a complete round of DNA testing on the sample. Oh, and did I mention that Andy is Cheryl's brother? That, as you can probably see, is intregal to the hilarity. So she finds out and then pretends that since she was ovulating the doctor just went ahead and impregnated her with her brother's child. After the dust settles, it turns out that Jim is unconsciously sabotaging the whole thing because if he followed the doctor's advice and still couldn't get Cheryl pregnant he would not be a real man. The lesson learned here is that I really have to get one of these gigs as a sitcom husband; this show, Everybody Loves Raymond, The King of Queens, Still Standing, etc., etc., etc.... these unenticing slobs manage to consistently land themselves some peculiarly foxy wives. My problem isn't really with the disparity in physical attractiveness, because if these guys were nice, sweet, thoughtful, smart, charming, caring, shared similar tastes, something, then it might make some sense. I mean, if you just saw Kevin James and Leah Remini on the street you'd still wonder what that fine lady was doing with the walrus, but if you spent some time with them you'd realize, hey, maybe she's not so crazy after all. You sleep with somebody a few times and fall in love and it'll totally screw with your brain chemistry, even to the extent that someone could find Jim Belushi attractive, theoretically (though an extended stint trapped alone together on a desert island may have been necessary to bring about the sleeping together a few times part of that equation in this case). But these men are horrible, selfish, sloppy idiots who barely remember their wives' names, and the couples never have a single thing in common - the men find everything the wives like and do stupid and girly while the women find everything the guys like and do stupid and disgusting. So what possible reason could there be for the women to have ever fallen in love with the schlubs? The only convincing arguments would be looks or money, and neither are in evidence. So, if anyone has any leads on one of these sitcom husband positions opening up, the tipline address is to your immediate left (I Am A Friend Of The Squirrels would be a great title to add to the CBS Monday night line-up, too, I think).